‘Conversations with Myself’ is a misleading title. It presents the impression of a dialogue. There is an outer self, that sends the message. And there is an inner self, that receives and responds. Wonderfully linear. Except that it’s a horribly complicated quadratic equation, in truth. A conversation with myself really means a conversation with my selves. There is most definitely an outer self, that sends out its questions. But instead of going to a singular wholesome inner portion of myself, the message goes to a wicked control room filled with a bunch of strange people. You have Rationality, the wise girl in spectacles who has all the answers. You have Irrationality, that fickle thing, which currently tells me that ice cream is the answer to IIM-A’s work schedule. You have Fear, and Laziness, and Ambition crouching together over my last message, which says I must get my CV in order. All forming part of this jumbled up system that my messages run through!
Talking about crashes, I had a minor blip in my system last Tuesday. Control room was working very efficiently on what was turning out to be a highly productive morning. When all of a sudden, the buzz on the Coldplay concert is initiated. And, blip. Excitement peaks. Freeze. Control room starts up and everyone inside is quite high strung. Irrationality starts thinking of booking tickets right away and dreaming of the absolute bliss that awaits. Fear says I should quit having fun and focus on the impending quiz at 2.45 today. Rationality reminds me of a philosophical quote asking me not to fret as there’s always time for everything.
But I’m nitpicking. Control room is really an entertaining place to be in. Amidst all the assignments and projects, its great to just sit in bed and listen to Rationality and Irrationality debate about whether reading my book till 5 AM and subsequently sleeping in class is a good life decision after all. Rationality, the best friend of Eric Berne’s Adult ego state delivers wise sermons which Irrationality tries to overpower with its innocent puppy eyes demanding Frisbee at LKP. One of my recent favorites has been talking (and accordingly acting) with Laziness, that lost friend of my undergraduate days, about the benefits of taking a nap NOW.
But I’ve said too much. Control room is sending me a warning signal. And Fear, Ambition, and Laziness have finally come up with an answer for my CV situation. Must go!
Aarushi Gupta is a member of LSD. She loves to dabble in poetry and pen down her epiphanies in the quiet of the night.